Blogging about the forbidden subject of SEX

Alright well it’s not so forbidden around here. At least not anymore. I’d like to share my reasons for openly blogging about sex, or sex related subjects. Let me just say first and foremost I am so glad I started doing reviews on adult products. It’s allowed me to get to know my body, and it’s allowed me to be comfortable in my skin and not feel like I have to hide that part of me. While some women are very comfortable sharing any part of their lives including their private life, I wasn’t and I’m still not in part. I don’t mind sharing toy reviews and letting you know that I enjoyed, or didn’t enjoy it. I don’t mind telling you what I think about it. But I’m not going to go into detail and share intimate experiences that my husband and I share. Those are for us and us a lone. Though I’m sure there are times when you wish I wouldn’t share, jalapeños anyone?

Anyways. When I first started doing reviews for adult products/websites I felt extremely uncomfortable sharing things on my blog. I was paranoid that my family, or Kai’s family would see something they shouldn’t. Hell I was paranoid that Sascha might stumble upon something when he got a little older, which he is now by the way and is reading quite well. :shifty: Though looking back. I think that was really unhealthy. Looking back now I wonder why I ever felt that way. I’m not posting naked pictures of people, I’m not posting photos of anyones nether regions. I’m not going into detail about my experiences or writing graphic stories. The things I write about are part of my life and most peoples lives. It’s natural, why should I be worried or uncomfortable about sharing it?

I grew up believing that it was taboo to talk about sex. Sex was special between you and your husband/wife. It wasn’t “fun”, “silly”, “exciting”, “kinky”, or any other plethora of words you could use to describe it. It was just sex or I suppose lovemaking. You did it when you got married, you did it to create life. I wasn’t taught any different. I suppose that’s why I felt weird or ashamed if I even thought about talking about it, or even going to an adult store to see what they had there. That was definitely forbidden. Who knows what terrible things I might find in a place like that. Okay really there is nothing terrible about it. So yes, there are areas that I avoid, and areas I am most definitely not interested in. But it’s not strange or bad. But yes, bottom line is I grew up believing sex was sex and it was done mainly to create a family and it was forbidden to talk about. Guess what? It’s not. Sex can be exciting and fun and passionate and silly and anything you want it to be with your partner[or whoever you choose]. There is nothing taboo or embarrassing about it. If there is you need to take a step back and figure out why. I think my mind is reeling is too many directions here. Bottom line is, the way I was raised to see sex made me feel really uncomfortable with it and in doing it and it didn’t have to be that way.

Kai and I have discussed talking to Sascha and Fumiko at early ages about sex and their bodies. Sascha asked about it pretty young. We gave him straight forward answers and that pretty much ended his curiosities for the most part. We want them to be comfortable enough to come to us, or for Sascha to talk to his Dad and step mom when he has concern or is thinking about taking that step into his sexuality. I want him to be able to come to me to ask about condoms or whether or not I feel he’s ready to do this, or just to talk. If I am hiding who I am, hiding this part of me, that is a big part of me, then that tells him that he has to hide it too. I don’t want that. I feel as though me being honest here, will allow me the openings I need to talk to my children about these things when they are ready. Now mind you I want them to wait. But that doesn’t always happen, and if they choose not to, I don’t want them to be afraid to talk to me because they think I’m going to freak out or punish them.

And like I said before, this has made me more comfortable in my own skin. It has allowed me to stop feeling uncomfortable about that part of me. It’s allowed me to actually talk to my close friends about problems or questions that I never would have before. Your sexuality isn’t something to be embarrassed by, or feared, it’s private between you and your significant other, but it’s not so private that it should be forbidden or taboo to talk about. it’s a part of who we are and something we should be proud of. We should be teaching our children that, not teaching them them to be afraid of it or hide it. I want my children to be intelligent strong passionate human beings when they grow up. That starts with me and the example I set for them. So I am choosing to teach them not to be afraid of any part of who they are, and to be proud of it, but to also wait to explore that part of themselves until they’re truly ready. Children only have so long to be children, there is no rush to grow up. But all knowledge is worth having.

So you can think of me what you will. You can disagree with my opinions. You can dislike what I post. But I’m going to do it anyways, for myself, for my children, and for anyone who might stumble across something that might help them. It’s a part of me, and it’s a part of you, embrace it and enjoy it.

Here are my questions to you. If you write reviews, or just blog openly about sexuality, why do you do it? Have you always done it? If not what made you start?

If you don’t blog openly about sex, why don’t you? Is it because of family? Do you feel it’s too private to share?

About me

I run this blog! This blog is a personal blog for all things beauty related. I love swatching, reviewing and hosting giveaways. I've been blogging since I was 16 years old... That's uh a long time. I am now 34! Sometimes I like to blog about my life and what is going on, but not often anymore. I hope you enjoy my blog posts!

  • misstresss

    Agree, completely. And I’m with you on the whole not being told anything about anything including getting your period. That was just…great (not). lol
    And my mother was old school, like never used tampons ever because they got popular in like the 60s or 70s and she thought they were…bad? Somehow? Or something?, was afraid it would get “lost”. Which…even at 13 that idea was amazingly naive to me. hahaha
    My sisters both used them and I remember her saying that to them once and they were both stunned and just said “No….How would that happen? There’s…nowhere for it to go!”
    When I first got my period and had to get stuff was BEYOND mortified at having to tell her since I had no money, and told my sister who told my mother, who got super uncomfortable and just got me some super big overnight maxi pads, and I picked up a box of tampons and just got “Why are you getting..THOSE? Why don’t you put them down…you don’t need to get…those..things.” I just got uneasy with how uneasy she was with being unable to even say the word “tampon”, so I just kind of mumbled “Noo…I think I’ll just get them..cause….yeah..”
    And her thoughts on birth control pills….that’s just a whooole nother story. hahaha Ahhh….to be an uniformed youth with uniformed parents. lol

    • hahaha That sounds familiar. My DAD used to actually pick up my um feminine products. He was way more comfortable doing it that my mom was before I could afford to get my own. Which I find pretty funny now that I think about it. I HATED pads I still do, but back then no one told me about tampons and my friends made me afraid by being afraid that they would get lost. lol I remember looking stuff up on line when I got older and then thinking to myself “Boy I was dumb…”.

  • misstresss

    It is definitely important for parents to talk to their kids, not make everything taboo and to not be awkward or judgmental about it because that can only cause problems in the future. If you can help parents do that, good for you. It’s good to talk to kids early since they inevitably start asking questions, probably a lot earlier than most parents expect to have to handle the subject, and you just need to be ready for it. I am not a parent, but I see how my parents were with me, and I look at friends and family with their children and I just really believe in being honest with your children. Looking back on when I asked my parents questions, I was maybe 6. In retrospect they didn’t see it coming, and they way they reacted kind of made me think like “what is wrong with “sex”? Is that a bad word? Am I not supposed to know what that is?” And it jsut set me up for a whole bunch of questions that I couldn’t ask. So yeah, parents need to be ready for the questions and be able to answer. My mother was outraged when she found out I was “sexually active” (which in itself is sort of a weird phrase. lol) She found a condom wrapper in my trash, I think? I was 16. Had been with my boyfriend for a year and a half, and she called my older sister yelling at her and my sister told me and said all she could tell her was “Well, yeah, it’s weird to you, it’s weird cause it’s MY little sister! But as I see it, she’s been with him a while, he’s a nice guy, and at least she’s USING condoms. At least she’s being smart, be happy about that.”

    • Yeah that’s exactly what I don’t want my kids to be afraid of. Looking back my mom NEVER talked to me about anything, not even my period. When she finally did say something it made me feel like sex was bad and wrong and then the whole sex is to please your husband and start a family thing kind of made everything worse. I remember seeing my friends get in trouble because they would sneak around and lie to their parents and then their parents would somehow find out and just lose it. Which broke any little bit of trust they may have had even further. I would rather know what my kids are doing, and know that they’re being safe doing it, than worry about then sneaking around creating more danger because they think they’re going to get in trouble for wanting to do something that comes naturally to well, everyone.

  • misstresss

    Love this post. I think it’s great that you reasoned out your trepidation and went with it, and concluded that it is healthier than having to hide any part of yourself.

    I do not write reviews on my blog, though I have been considering it. Not 100% sure where or how to start though. I made an account in recent months on Eden Fantasys and rated a few products on that site, since I find the product reviews of any kind to be very helpful when shopping online. Being able to go on that site and see what people say about products to I can comparison shop, especially in this day and age when financial times are very tough for everyone so you can’t just spend your money on something that may not meet your expectations.

    Also, I love finding blogs with “sex related subjects” because it is something that shouldn’t be a taboo, and when it is it can lead to trouble. They often have interesting topics, products, insight and all kinds of things, so I commend you for your blogging. And I totally agree that while openness about the subject is great, it is best to keep certain details between you and your partner since it is a connection that only you share.

    • Thanks. It was really hard for me to decide to start doing reviews. But I really am glad that I did. It opened up a whole new world for me and one that has helped me grow not only for myself but for my relationship with my husband and has allowed me to step outside of my box and realize that I need to think about my kids too. I’m going to be writing a couple of posts soon that continue this topic. I wanted to share my thoughts on how I think I should teach my kids and even how I want to be able to talk to them when the time does come.

      I don’t think it’s ever too early to think about. It’s that important and I don’t want to be in part, responsible for setting my children up to fail with their relationships because I didn’t talk to them or teach them. I hope it at least allows other parents or other people in general to stop and think about it and maybe help them in the future when it’s their turn to think about their kids.

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