I feel like death. That’s the only way I can describe how I feel right now. I’ve been off of the gabapentin for a few days and I feel more awful than usual and now extremely panicked. I still can’t keep anything but watered down juices down. I feel like I’m starving. Just when I think I’ve finally eaten something that I’m not going to puke back up, up it comes.
I saw our chiropractor yesterday. I think it was yesterday. I can’t remember now. My mom pretty much made the appointment for me and forced me to go after falling in the shower. It’s been well over a year since I’ve seen him. Only because my body is so sensitive even using the lightest setting on his activator tool it hurts like a bitch. I’m not sure how many times I cried on the way to the chiropractor yesterday, but I know I cried for my entire visit and ended up having a panic attack after my adjustment. Between the pain and the vertigo from the table coming back up I just lost it.
The pain from the adjustment as gentle as he was, was incredibly overwhelming and excruciating. Being car sick and dizzy from the trip there didn’t help. I’m supposed to go back in Tuesday. I can’t say I’m looking forward to it, because I’m not. I know in the long, really, really long run it’ll be helpful. But right now my body is screaming and stiff, and I hurt so bad. I’ve been dizzy constantly for the last couple of days, and I’ve had a migraine since yesterday that won’t go away. My stomach has ached for over a week now. All of my muscles and joints and bones ache and burn and hurt. Last night one or both of my arms from the tips of my fingers up to my shoulder were numb and I couldn’t sleep. My right hand and fingers keep going numb off and on today. My heart/chest won’t stop aching and I feel like I’m suffocating.
All I want to do is cry and sleep, and I can’t sleep and can’t not cry. I’m miserable and I hurt. I don’t want to complain, I want to suck it up, but I can’t. Literally everything hurts, I hurt, and I feel like I’m going crazy.