I suppose I should make some sort of post

So my life is rather boring. Well it is if you don’t count the ups and downs and sideways and zigzags with my health. TMI: I’ve been on my period since September 26th with no sign of it stopping. The antibiotics I had for the sinus infection and what not screwed with my depo shot. *sigh* I’m hoping it won’t last until I get my next shot. This is torture. My medications have been shuffled around. I am now seeing a therapist and psychiatrist. My doctor sent me in because she thinks I have PTSD. Which apparently the psychiatrist and therapist think also. I also may or may not have bi-polar 2. I didn’t know there was more than 1. They are trying to work on my social phobia, but my therapist thinks I’m doing a great job all on my own. She also thinks I know exactly who I am and I just need to BE me.

I’ve met a couple of wonderful people that I met online. Claire from Claire’s Beauty and Chantel from Geek Chic Cosmetics. They are both lovely, wonderful people. Next I’m hoping to get my glittery paws on Distorria from Detrivore Cosmetics. Muahahaha. But really. I’ve been trying to work on my social anxiety and fears. It’s hard. I also thought I was over being raped at 13. But I’m apparently not. That has also been a subject in therapy. Also I need to learn to not put on makeup for therapy, because I cry, even though I tell myself I won’t, I do. It’s just painful and stressful to go over and re-live situations I just want to forget about. I’ve been going to see Chantel after therapy the last couple of times. Which has been awesome. I really enjoy spending time with her.

The psychiatrist took me off the two anxiety medications my doctor put me on about a month ago and put me on Cymbalta. She thinks it will work well with the Gabapentin. She also changed how I take my Gabapentin in hopes that my body won’t build up a resistance to it. I hope she’s right and it doesn’t because I go crazy with panic and fear when I go off of it to sort of reset how my body treats it. Blech. Life is hard yo. I need an instruction manual for this body.

I decided that I need to be me, I need to do what makes me happy. I recently purchased a book on Wicca. It’s something I’ve always been interested in, but stayed away from it because I was afraid that my mom would react badly, and that’s something I honestly can’t deal with now. I’ve basically put my beliefs and life on hold to respect her beliefs and I can’t do that anymore. I’m crushed that my crystal boxes are gone from our garage. I have to start over now. That was over 10 years worth of crystals and memories and special things. I don’t know if they were trashed, or if they were taken when my moms friends from her church helped her clear out the garage. Either way, they are gone and I am sad. So now I start over.

A lot has happened and changed this past month. I feel like a new person almost. I still hurt and get sick, but I feel changed some how. I think just putting my foot down and telling myself things were going to be different and I was going to do what made me happy, it changed something, and I’m glad. Gosh I can’t even write this without getting teary eyed. Stupid emotions. It sucks not to be comfortable in your own skin. I want that back. I want to be able to go to the grocery store and not fear that someone may talk to me. I want to be able to go to the mall or wherever and not wish I were invisible. I just want to be happy. It’s going to be a long journey, but it will be worth it.

Oh there is this too…

Her name is Mochi. Dawn took me over to get her on Sunday. She’s a sweetheart. As soon as I picked her up I knew she belonged with us. Sushi’s whole demeanor has completely changed with Mochi being here. She looks happier and sweeter. Sushi is dying to play with Mochi, but Mochi keeps growling at her, which is incredibly cute and funny at the same time. I honestly expected Sushi to try and eat her. But she hasn’t so much as raised a paw to her. The first day Sushi hissed and growled and Mochi stayed away. The second day Sushi was kind of on the fence and yesterday she started to try to play with Mochi. So it’s gonna work out and I’m so glad we got Sushi a friend. She seems so much happier now. Hopefully I’ll have photos of them together soon. :CAT:

Also if you have never tried anything from Cocoa Pink you need to. I ordered some hair frizz serum stuff and it’s amazing and the scent is freaking incredible. She also sent very generous samples with both of my orders. My second order was for shampoo and conditioner which are pretty awesome. I think I may need to try her other conditioners. I love, love, love one of her Hallow’s Eve scents. Fear of Cemeteries is amazing and you must try it. I am going to be ordering some body butter from her in Fear of Cemeteries because it is so amazingly awesome. <3 She sent me a sample of her voluptuous body butter in my first order, it was scented with one of her pumpkin scents. Amazing. Okay. I’m done raving about it now, I swear. Though expect some reviews soon. :D

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So thank you

To whoever it was who sent me awesome Manglaze polishes! Seriously, thank you. You are the awesomest fairy nail godmother ever. <3 I’ve been lusting over Mink Mitten and Fuck Off and Dye for ages, and am also super happy to receive fuggenugly and Matte-Astrophe. You are super duper awesome ^.~

I now return you to our regularly non-scheduled program. XD

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Swatches: My Pretty Zombie Drugs Like Me Blush 6-MAM, THC, PCP & LSD

Soooo. Andrea from My Pretty Zombie sent me a lovely little package filled with organ gummies(these things are delicious) an eyeball pen and notepad and 6-MAM, THC, PCP and LSD. YES! MOAR BLUSH! Ahem. After Fumiko stole all of the gummie organs(I only got a bite of one before she snatched it from my hands!) and the eyeball notepad I decided to swatch these, only to realize my camera battery was dead. NOOOO! So I had to charge said battery. I swatched them that night. Seriously these are gorgeous. MDMA is still my favorite but these are SO pretty. You can see swatches of MDMA here. I guess I’ll let you see swatches now. XD I should mention that these come heat seal wrapped and have sifter seals. Also these were swatched over bare skin. Oh you can buy these separately or you can get all 5 as a set for $32. They are $8 each, and of course you can buy a sample pack for $5. :D I must also add these are so much more amazing in person. The photos don’t do them justice.

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tokidoki Barbie – Something I Can Get Behind

I’m sorry, I have to share my rant that I posted in a facebook group. This is something I feel strongly about. I’m sorry if I offend anyone, you are more than welcome to have a differing opinion, and I am more than happy to agree to disagree, but this is how I feel. I would also like to note that this doll is a collectors edition doll. It was made for adults who collect Barbie’s, not children. It costs $50. That is not a child’s toy and the uproar over a doll marketed for adults is insane.


Seriously I don’t like Barbie at all. But I could get behind this Barbie and I can’t believe the BS uproar about it. I heard about it on the radio last night on the way home. I just can’t believe it. Children see this on REAL people every day, whether it’s at the grocery store, a restaurant, driving around. Kids see it all of the time. If you’re that paranoid about your child having a doll with a tattoo then I suggest you keep them locked up at home so they never see real people with real tattoos, because this is simply stupid.

I’ve seen so many arguments about how barbies are innocent dolls and blah blah blah. They have unrealistic body shapes and have crazy slutty clothes that you can get for them and you are worried about a freaking tattoo? Gimme a break. Also you don’t have to BUY the doll for your kids, you don’t even have to mention it. In fact the uproar that people are causing are putting it IN the media for kids to see, when they might otherwise never know about this doll. So I’m sorry, if you have a problem with a DOLL with a tattoo, then that’s your problem, don’t buy the doll. It’s that simple. I can’t believe people are freaking out over a doll with a tattoo when kids have access to temporary tattoos everywhere. Blargh. This really upsets me. It’s also teaching kids that it’s okay to be prejudice against people who have body modifications, which isn’t right. This is just… stupid beyond compare and frustrating.

I try to teach my kids to respect everyone, and that it doesn’t matter what someone wears, how many holes they have or how much ink they have on their body. They are people just as much as we are people, and people like different things and that’s okay. This is just teaching kids that it’s bad to have tattoos or body modifications and reinforcing prejudice, and disrespect for people. This is an issue dear to my heart. I don’t want my children growing up to be that kid that bullies someone because they look different. I want them to be able to look at someone and not judge them before they even know them just because of how they look. /rant

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