I suppose I should make some sort of post

So my life is rather boring. Well it is if you don’t count the ups and downs and sideways and zigzags with my health. TMI: I’ve been on my period since September 26th with no sign of it stopping. The antibiotics I had for the sinus infection and what not screwed with my depo shot. *sigh* I’m hoping it won’t last until I get my next shot. This is torture. My medications have been shuffled around. I am now seeing a therapist and psychiatrist. My doctor sent me in because she thinks I have PTSD. Which apparently the psychiatrist and therapist think also. I also may or may not have bi-polar 2. I didn’t know there was more than 1. They are trying to work on my social phobia, but my therapist thinks I’m doing a great job all on my own. She also thinks I know exactly who I am and I just need to BE me.

I’ve met a couple of wonderful people that I met online. Claire from Claire’s Beauty and Chantel from Geek Chic Cosmetics. They are both lovely, wonderful people. Next I’m hoping to get my glittery paws on Distorria from Detrivore Cosmetics. Muahahaha. But really. I’ve been trying to work on my social anxiety and fears. It’s hard. I also thought I was over being raped at 13. But I’m apparently not. That has also been a subject in therapy. Also I need to learn to not put on makeup for therapy, because I cry, even though I tell myself I won’t, I do. It’s just painful and stressful to go over and re-live situations I just want to forget about. I’ve been going to see Chantel after therapy the last couple of times. Which has been awesome. I really enjoy spending time with her.

The psychiatrist took me off the two anxiety medications my doctor put me on about a month ago and put me on Cymbalta. She thinks it will work well with the Gabapentin. She also changed how I take my Gabapentin in hopes that my body won’t build up a resistance to it. I hope she’s right and it doesn’t because I go crazy with panic and fear when I go off of it to sort of reset how my body treats it. Blech. Life is hard yo. I need an instruction manual for this body.

I decided that I need to be me, I need to do what makes me happy. I recently purchased a book on Wicca. It’s something I’ve always been interested in, but stayed away from it because I was afraid that my mom would react badly, and that’s something I honestly can’t deal with now. I’ve basically put my beliefs and life on hold to respect her beliefs and I can’t do that anymore. I’m crushed that my crystal boxes are gone from our garage. I have to start over now. That was over 10 years worth of crystals and memories and special things. I don’t know if they were trashed, or if they were taken when my moms friends from her church helped her clear out the garage. Either way, they are gone and I am sad. So now I start over.

A lot has happened and changed this past month. I feel like a new person almost. I still hurt and get sick, but I feel changed some how. I think just putting my foot down and telling myself things were going to be different and I was going to do what made me happy, it changed something, and I’m glad. Gosh I can’t even write this without getting teary eyed. Stupid emotions. It sucks not to be comfortable in your own skin. I want that back. I want to be able to go to the grocery store and not fear that someone may talk to me. I want to be able to go to the mall or wherever and not wish I were invisible. I just want to be happy. It’s going to be a long journey, but it will be worth it.

Oh there is this too…

Her name is Mochi. Dawn took me over to get her on Sunday. She’s a sweetheart. As soon as I picked her up I knew she belonged with us. Sushi’s whole demeanor has completely changed with Mochi being here. She looks happier and sweeter. Sushi is dying to play with Mochi, but Mochi keeps growling at her, which is incredibly cute and funny at the same time. I honestly expected Sushi to try and eat her. But she hasn’t so much as raised a paw to her. The first day Sushi hissed and growled and Mochi stayed away. The second day Sushi was kind of on the fence and yesterday she started to try to play with Mochi. So it’s gonna work out and I’m so glad we got Sushi a friend. She seems so much happier now. Hopefully I’ll have photos of them together soon. :CAT:

Also if you have never tried anything from Cocoa Pink you need to. I ordered some hair frizz serum stuff and it’s amazing and the scent is freaking incredible. She also sent very generous samples with both of my orders. My second order was for shampoo and conditioner which are pretty awesome. I think I may need to try her other conditioners. I love, love, love one of her Hallow’s Eve scents. Fear of Cemeteries is amazing and you must try it. I am going to be ordering some body butter from her in Fear of Cemeteries because it is so amazingly awesome. <3 She sent me a sample of her voluptuous body butter in my first order, it was scented with one of her pumpkin scents. Amazing. Okay. I’m done raving about it now, I swear. Though expect some reviews soon. :d

About me

I run this blog! This blog is a personal blog for all things beauty related. I love swatching, reviewing and hosting giveaways. I've been blogging since I was 16 years old... That's uh a long time. I am now 34! Sometimes I like to blog about my life and what is going on, but not often anymore. I hope you enjoy my blog posts!

  • Rebecca

    Mochi is absolutely adorable! My hubby and I have been going back and forth on whether or not to get a kitten companion for our kitty. She’s just such a little spoiled diva that we don’t know how she’ll react.

    Hang in there with the health stuff! Life is hard but I definitely applaud your decision to just be yourself no matter what; as soon as I made that decision my live changed a lot. Hopefully re-living all of this stuff will get it to the surface and gone for good. And as I told you on Twitter, I’m a big fan of Cymbalta. I don’t know that it really helps with my migraines but as far as the anti-depressant component it’s the best I’ve tried. Hopefully my doctor can keep the samples coming cuz my insurance only has a low co-pay for generic meds and I can’t afford it. Fingers crossed!

    So anyways, bravo on your work towards the optimal you and for writing about it. I’ve always found that once you put things out there others come forward and you realize you’re not alone. ((Hugs))!! :HK:

  • Mochi is adorable! I’m a fan of Cymbalta. In Dec/January of this year I bled for 40 days straight. No bueno. I hope you stop soon.

  • Kharizma McAnulty

    Yeah pics of Mochi! Where did you find her? Spencer agrees Zoot needs a friend and says we will hold out for a girl for sure! I can’t wait! Of course I better get moved before starting down that road…but soon!!!
    Also I know having your own books are best, but for beginning and seeing what you like about wicca and which path you want to go down or just learning about all the different things, the library has some great books. That way you can start reading up on it right away and then make note of what you want to buy later on.

  • Anna

    I am not so keen on cats, but one thing I must admit, this kitten is the cutest I have ever seen!

  • I’ll have to bump around and look. It’s been a while since I’ve taken stock of what I’ve collected and replaced. Certainly some herbs, stones, and a few altar tools. I’ll let you know what I find :d

  • Hopefully changing your meds will help. I know how much having a social anxiety sucks. I have a mild one. I can go out and do fine as long as I don’t have to talk to people.

    I lost all of my stuff when I got divorced and have to start over also. I haven’t had the money to do it yet though. The only thing that made it out of the divorce with me where my books about Wicca..and I only have 3 of the many that I used to have. :(

    The kitty is absolutely adorable!

  • Funny you should mention Wicca and starting over with collecting. I was just recently thinking of going through my books and ritual gear to downsize. I just dreaded getting started because I have nobody I can pass stuff along to anymore.

    So hey yeah, if you’d be interested in some destashed goodies, hit me up! xd

    • I definitely would! What do you have? I would probably have to help you de-stash over time as I don’t have much monies. :)

  • Adorable!!!

  • Oh….and….KITTEHS! *love*

    • She’s been asleep on my boobs most of the day. xd Seems to be her favorite spot for now.

  • *HUGS* Healing is rarely linear…lots of starts, stops, do-overs, etc. My anxiety has been hideous lately since my husband got laid off. Being sick with no insurance (until COBRA kicks in) really majorly SUCKS. I am eating my ativan like candy (not really but I want to).

    Being authentic–being YOU–is always imporant. You sound good, like you are headed towards a more positive path in your life.

    The only good thing about being 41 is finally feeling free to be me–explore my sexual identity, acknowledge my disability, and even dye my hair pink & purple (hopefully by halloween).

    Sorry about Big Red. Urg. I had that reaction on Methotrexate, 60 days of it. Is there something “backup” they can give you until your depo kicks in again?

    Hang in there, you beautiful Goddess!

    • My period is kicking my ass more than the lyme is right now. It’s sad. xd Two things I’m doing so I feel more comfy in my own skin: getting “love as thou wilt” across my chest and getting my cheeks pierced. I think that will be a good start to make me feel better. Clothes will come as they come. I’m excited to start collecting books and things again, but sad that I have to start over. Such is life though.