Things I learned today and didn’t want to
Okay there were only a couple I could have lived my entire life not knowing. Anyways. My mom’s license is expired, she hasn’t been able to pay to renew it. So I am now her chauffeur. So today I had to go pick up some supplements from her friend Jim and them drop off supplements for him. She did the usual “Are you going to be stopping by any stores today?” question which actually means “I need you to stop by the store”. So I did my usual “Well I wasn’t, but I can?”. So then she asked me to pick up spelt flour because she’d been out. Then on the way out the door she says “By the way I’ll try to be ready after you get home from taking Kai to work in the morning so you can take me to the grocery store”… to which I thought “and I have to get the spelt flour today because…?”. I have to go to a diabetic class in the morning at NARA and have no idea how long it’s supposed to be, so we’ll see about that whole grocery store thing tomorrow.
Things I learned today:
- Almost every auto repair shop in our vicinity now sells christmas trees. Seriously, I kid you not. This must be some new fangled thing because I can’t recall them doing so last year, or any year before, but I suppose I could have been distracted by the pretty lights, or something and not noticed…
- THEY HAVE PINK FLOCKED CHRISTMAS TREES! Seriously. While going to pick up my moms stuff I passed this auto repair shop that had a bajillion trees in their parking lot IN RAINBOW COLORS. There were pink, red, purple, blue, teal, yellow, and some other color I can’t recall, but no white flocked trees. Also the yellow tree looked like something pissed on it. I predict yellow flocked trees to not sell well. Just sayin’.
- Apparently back in the day Lysol, you know the kind of Lysol people use to you know mop their floors Lysol marketed itself as a feminine wash… Not only that but people believed it prevented pregnancy. Now Lysol never CLAIMED to prevent pregnancy but they sure didn’t deny it either. Ew.
- Also on that note apparently Coca Cola was also used to prevent pregnancy… Just shake and aim baby. Maybe it’s just me… but thinking of putting anything up my vagina that is used to clean floors, or is carbonated and full of sugar and various other things has never occurred to me. Yeah, I don’t know. I can’t think of any reason why I might try that. And just because, I’m going to let you know that by the time you’re done with your fun and you have time to think about getting pregnant the little squirmy buddies in your vagina are in your uterus and there isn’t anything you have in your pantry or cleaning closet that will reach those. So just. No.
And that is my super awesome advice for the day. Don’t stick lysol or coke up your vagina, it’s pointless. Okay not totally pointless it was pretty funny to hear it being explained on the radio. Also Mochi is torturing Kai by trying to steal his slices of summer sausage while he’s distracted playing Skyrim or some game and just demanded I get my cat, to which I replied “Hey you wanted the summer sausage, deal with the consequences” Bwhahahaha. Also while at the grocery store we passed by tofurkey at which point I said “I wonder if they realize there are quite a few vegans who are vegan because they don’t want to support the way animals in slaughter houses are mistreated, or just don’t want to eat meat at all for whatever reason, if I were vegan I wouldn’t want to eat some turkey shaped, meat flavored soy thing or even a meat flavored soy log for thanksgiving.” to which Kai replied “I’ve never known a vegan who has actually eaten a tofurkey”. Then we got on the subject of slaughter houses and how animals are treated while walking through Fred Meyer and he says to me at one point “There’s nothing more terrifying and disgusting than seeing a camel have its throat slit”… To which I said “THERE’S NOTHING MORE TERRIFYING AND DISGUSTING THAN SEEING ANYTHING HAVE ITS THROAT SLIT… I can’t believe you just said that to me… Seriously… I think that’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever said to me.” He was already laughing at this point. And then I said “If I were vegan” then he cut me off with “Thank god you aren’t”, then I forgot what I was gonna say and started complaining about how he and Kinon don’t eat vegetables like they’re going to make them dumb or sick or something. Then I got sidetracked with the giant cupcake chairs and pink cat chairs they had. The end.
Now I’m gonna go stair at the brussels sprouts and broccoli and decide which one I want to eat… Also Kai says he wishes he had jedi mind trick powers because it would work SO well on me… But he fails to realize it’s not shiny so it won’t work.