So on Friday I had a heart attack. Fast forward to yesterday when I went in to see my therapist/doctor. My therapist was worried and traced down my doctor who had the nurse call 911. They got there in minutes, They did an ekg and it was showing tachycardia yet again. I gave my purse and phone to Kharizma and they told her where I was going. This was my first ambulance ride and let me tell you I can do without. They put an iv in my left wrist and hooked me up to another ekg. On the way to the hospital they gave me 2 nitro and that helped a little but I still had pain and pressure in my chest and down my left arm.

Kharizma got to Providence before we did. It was a storm of taking blood, asking questions, taking my clothes off and I can’t really remember all that happened. They put a regular iv on the inside of my arm about halfway between my wrist and elbow. They gave me a shot of something which sped up my heart instead of slowing it down. A little bit later they gave me another shot which seemed to help slow my heart down. I won’t give you a blow by blow because it’s boring and pointless, so I’ll just say I hate going to the hospital.

I got home last night, I only stayed in overnight. But ugh. 11ish holes later, chest xrays, ekg’s, ecg’s, a catscan of my chest and dye injected, an angio and various other things that I can’t remember. And everyone tells me they don’t know why, there are no blockages or damage. So they don’t know why it happened. They don’t know why my pulse is up or certainly why we’ve been fighting with it since January.

I have to explain my lyme disease to everyone in order to explain my constant pain and the twitching, shaking and spasms. And then they stare at me like they have no idea what I just said, or stare at me and say “interesting” “huh”. It’s incredibly frustrating to be told the tests came back fine and we don’t know, over and over. It’s even more frustrating to have a doctor tell me that sometimes there aren’t any answers and things happen and they never know why.

So yeah. I have no answers at all. I’m tired and exhausted and I think I picked something up from the hospital. My lymph nodes are all swollen and sore and my body hurts worse today than it normally does. My stomach is cramping and has shooting pains and I have a fever. Yay. So that’s my bitchy post for awhile. I apologize if this post is all over the place. My brain hasn’t been functioning well for awhile, and it’s been even worse since Friday.

So Happy belated Easter and stuff. I just discovered that Fumiko and I are allergic to dandelion flowers. Awesome. After she rubbed them all over her and scattered petals and bits all over the floor. Changed her clothes, wiped her down, threw some clean clothes on her, gave her some children’s Benadryl and vacuumed the crap out of the floor. As for me I used my nose spray since I already took my claritin of the day.

So it appears that my pancreas is starting to work again. My bloodsugar has been staying below 250 most of the time. That’s better than over 600, yeah? I’m still waiting on the results for the holster monitor. I hope they can figure out why my pulse is staying up. I’ve been dealing with tachycardia for months now and my doctor has no idea what to do with me. I need to go down to Salem to visit Chemawa. My doctor says I need to get there around 7-730am so I can sit and wait for a cancellation so I can get in to have my teeth looked at. Since I have diabetes they’ll continue to see me and let me schedule appointments. I just need to get in once to begin with. I brush my teeth and plaque starts to build up within a couple of hours. Between the lyme disease and the dry mouth from my medications, well my teeth are royally screwed.

Tomorrow I go in to see both of my therapists. Should be fun. Finances are still shit. Kai is still getting minimum wage. They started training him for sales last week but he hasn’t been officially promoted yet. Also I stopped the Abilify it seemed to be making my sleep worse. Though now that I’ve stopped it I feel panicky. My doctor doesn’t want me on anything, but I need something. I know when I need help and I need help. I can’t take SSRI’s so I don’t know if they’re going to find something that helps. I keep seeing myself years down the road still breaking down and crying at the drop of a pin. I don’t want that. And now I’m crying. *sigh* CRY ALL THE TEARS.

Yeah I couldn’t think of a title. Sooo things have been rather crappy, and I’m rather tired and ill. I’m still getting over the serotonin syndrome. My pancreas is non-functioning right now because of it, but my doctor hopes with enough insulin therapy it’ll be able to heal. I also managed to get strep, and then pneumonia. The antibiotic I’m on right now is kicking my ass, I swear it’s making me worse. I’m sure it’s just me herxing on it that makes me feel like death, but bleh. My period also started AGAIN on the antibiotics. Double, no triple whammy? I don’t know anymore. I feel like crap.

On that note, a lot of the stress and anxiety and fear happening right now is due to our financial situation. It’s been really hard, we’re lucky Kai found a job, but it’s only minimum wage, and his first check was $245 if I remember right. He gets paid weekly, which is nice, but he needs to get promoted to earn more monies. His check isn’t going to go far when we have $700-ish in shut off notices, and $1150 for rent all due on the 15th, and our bank account is completely drained. I don’t know what’s going to happen, or how we’re going to make it and it’s really scary. At this rate we need a miracle. Between feeling like crap from the lyme, and the period, and the pneumonia, and this, ugh. My nerves are shot and it’s all I can do not to cry all the time. I know it will work out, but right now it seems hopeless and I feel hopeless.

Things have been getting worse from the lyme. The numbness and nerve sensations are getting worse. The other day the left side of my spine was completely numb from my lower back all the way up to my neck. I’m taking 1600mg of Gabapentin(Neurontin) three times a day and still having numbness and the sensations. Last time I saw my doctor I told her I’d started taking two tablets three times a day and she basically said to do what works. She’s afraid to put me on anything, and wants me to stay away from anything that can cause serotonin syndrome because it would likely kill me if it happened again. She only mentioned 5 or 6 times at my last visit that it’s usually fatal, and that I was lucky. It’s probably been building up over the years and the cymbalta just pushed it over the edge, still I feel paranoid now. I’m hoping I’ll feel better soon. I’m tired of feeling this ill and tired of being useless. I’m making myself do a look tomorrow, I guess it would be later today. I didn’t do my last challenge because I was too sick. I don’t want to miss it again. Anyways. Enough crap. I leave you with a cat picture. After all it’s Caturday!