Follow Me

Close
By

I don’t ever send chain mails. So I’m going to share this here, because Kharizma was right. It is empowering and it’s too precious not to share. Thank you Kharizma.

“May today there be peace within. May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith in yourself and others. May you use the gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content with yourself just the way you are. Let this knowledge settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of us.

By

Alright well it’s not so forbidden around here. At least not anymore. I’d like to share my reasons for openly blogging about sex, or sex related subjects. Let me just say first and foremost I am so glad I started doing reviews on adult products. It’s allowed me to get to know my body, and it’s allowed me to be comfortable in my skin and not feel like I have to hide that part of me. While some women are very comfortable sharing any part of their lives including their private life, I wasn’t and I’m still not in part. I don’t mind sharing toy reviews and letting you know that I enjoyed, or didn’t enjoy it. I don’t mind telling you what I think about it. But I’m not going to go into detail and share intimate experiences that my husband and I share. Those are for us and us a lone. Though I’m sure there are times when you wish I wouldn’t share, jalapeños anyone?

Anyways. When I first started doing reviews for adult products/websites I felt extremely uncomfortable sharing things on my blog. I was paranoid that my family, or Kai’s family would see something they shouldn’t. Hell I was paranoid that Sascha might stumble upon something when he got a little older, which he is now by the way and is reading quite well. :shifty: Though looking back. I think that was really unhealthy. Looking back now I wonder why I ever felt that way. I’m not posting naked pictures of people, I’m not posting photos of anyones nether regions. I’m not going into detail about my experiences or writing graphic stories. The things I write about are part of my life and most peoples lives. It’s natural, why should I be worried or uncomfortable about sharing it?

I grew up believing that it was taboo to talk about sex. Sex was special between you and your husband/wife. It wasn’t “fun”, “silly”, “exciting”, “kinky”, or any other plethora of words you could use to describe it. It was just sex or I suppose lovemaking. You did it when you got married, you did it to create life. I wasn’t taught any different. I suppose that’s why I felt weird or ashamed if I even thought about talking about it, or even going to an adult store to see what they had there. That was definitely forbidden. Who knows what terrible things I might find in a place like that. Okay really there is nothing terrible about it. So yes, there are areas that I avoid, and areas I am most definitely not interested in. But it’s not strange or bad. But yes, bottom line is I grew up believing sex was sex and it was done mainly to create a family and it was forbidden to talk about. Guess what? It’s not. Sex can be exciting and fun and passionate and silly and anything you want it to be with your partner[or whoever you choose]. There is nothing taboo or embarrassing about it. If there is you need to take a step back and figure out why. I think my mind is reeling is too many directions here. Bottom line is, the way I was raised to see sex made me feel really uncomfortable with it and in doing it and it didn’t have to be that way.

Kai and I have discussed talking to Sascha and Fumiko at early ages about sex and their bodies. Sascha asked about it pretty young. We gave him straight forward answers and that pretty much ended his curiosities for the most part. We want them to be comfortable enough to come to us, or for Sascha to talk to his Dad and step mom when he has concern or is thinking about taking that step into his sexuality. I want him to be able to come to me to ask about condoms or whether or not I feel he’s ready to do this, or just to talk. If I am hiding who I am, hiding this part of me, that is a big part of me, then that tells him that he has to hide it too. I don’t want that. I feel as though me being honest here, will allow me the openings I need to talk to my children about these things when they are ready. Now mind you I want them to wait. But that doesn’t always happen, and if they choose not to, I don’t want them to be afraid to talk to me because they think I’m going to freak out or punish them.

And like I said before, this has made me more comfortable in my own skin. It has allowed me to stop feeling uncomfortable about that part of me. It’s allowed me to actually talk to my close friends about problems or questions that I never would have before. Your sexuality isn’t something to be embarrassed by, or feared, it’s private between you and your significant other, but it’s not so private that it should be forbidden or taboo to talk about. it’s a part of who we are and something we should be proud of. We should be teaching our children that, not teaching them them to be afraid of it or hide it. I want my children to be intelligent strong passionate human beings when they grow up. That starts with me and the example I set for them. So I am choosing to teach them not to be afraid of any part of who they are, and to be proud of it, but to also wait to explore that part of themselves until they’re truly ready. Children only have so long to be children, there is no rush to grow up. But all knowledge is worth having.

So you can think of me what you will. You can disagree with my opinions. You can dislike what I post. But I’m going to do it anyways, for myself, for my children, and for anyone who might stumble across something that might help them. It’s a part of me, and it’s a part of you, embrace it and enjoy it.

Here are my questions to you. If you write reviews, or just blog openly about sexuality, why do you do it? Have you always done it? If not what made you start?

If you don’t blog openly about sex, why don’t you? Is it because of family? Do you feel it’s too private to share?

By

Well I’m not quite sure, week, month, month and a half? It’s been one hell of a something. I have to apologize for the reviews I still have to get up. I haven’t been well. My lyme disease has decided to take over my life and it’s all I can do to function for Fumiko right now. It’s gotten bad enough that I am considering going in to talk about getting back on a muscle relaxer and pain pill. I don’t know if this is just an overly painful temporary flare up, or if it has reached a milestone and just gotten worse. Only time will tell for me. For now my pain is more intense than usual, the migraines happen daily and are so bad that I see flashes of random color, sometimes part of or all of my vision goes black, the muscle twitches/shakes are more frequent and last longer, and light touch feels like a charlie horse down to my bone. On top of it all I miss Sascha so badly. I want to call every day, or talk to him on Skype every day. But when I talk to him I just want to scream come home and cry. So I’ve not tried to contact him much. I’m trying to deal with it and be okay, but it’s hard with all that I am dealing with.

He’s growing up so fast. I feel like I’m losing my little boy. Maybe it’s just me and I’m slightly crazy(okay I am, but still) but him growing up is ever so slightly painful for me. I love him, I want him to grow up to be happy and healthy, but at the same time, it hurts to seem him grow up and it hurts to lose those little things that I will never have with him again because he won’t be a little boy. He’s going to be 9 soon. Soon after that he’s going to be 10, 11, 12, and then he’s going to be a teen. He’s going to reach that point in his life where he needs to do things on his own, without Mommy there to catch him. He’s going to want to be his own person, and live his own life. I’m going to have to let him go and hope that I’ve done my job in a way that he still wants me there and trusts me enough to confide in me. I don’t want to lose my little boy, even though I know it’s inevitable it still hurts.

We have Fumiko who is still my baby, but she is her own person, just as Sascha is his own person. They are so different. I felt the same way with Fumiko when she stopped nursing. I was happy and relieved as it was hard on my health, but I miss it too. I miss having that closeness to her and the bonding, I miss the innocence and her being a baby. She’s now a toddler who never stops and is well on her way to being potty trained and she’s still learning new words every day. I don’t want any more children, but I still have a longing to have my baby’s back. Ugh. A Mother’s love is so bittersweet. Each new milestone brings new and often times conflicting feelings. Am I the only one who feels this way? I know I can’t be the only one who has a hard time seeing her children grow up.

By

There are days when I wish I could just pull the covers over my head and tune them out. There are days when they bring awe and wonder into my life and I wonder how I’ve been given just a beautiful gift. There are days when nothing goes right and they seem to relish in the pleasure of making it worse. There are days when they are happy doing nothing but sitting with me and being held. Regardless of the day, regardless of the issue or triumph this is how I always feel. I love Sascha and Fumiko to death. I don’t know what I would do without either one of them. They are my life. I would be lost without them.

Your baby blues
So full of wonder
Your curly cues
Your contageous smile
And as I watch
You start to grow up
All I can do is hold you tight

Knowing clouds will rage
And storms will race in
But you will be safe in my arms
Rains will pour down
Waves will crash all around
But you will be safe in my arms

Story books full of fairy tales
Of kings and queens and the bluest skies
My heart is torn just in knowing
You’ll someday see the truth from lies

Knowing clouds will rage
And storms will race in
But you will be safe in my arms
Rains will pour down
Waves will crash all around
But you will be safe in my arms

Castles they might crumble
Dreams may not come true
But you are never all alone
Because I will always
Always love you

Clouds will rage
And storms will race in
But you will be safe in my arms
Rains will pour down
Waves will crash all around
But you will be safe in my arms

By

I’ve been not feeling well the past few days. I feel like I’m starting my period up again… I’ve been spotting and breaking out in acne again. I sure hope not. :( I also have a toy from Eden Fantasys and MyPleasure sitting in our room waiting to be tried out and reviewed. Boo. Also… Hai, you can ask me questions here! Oh and we killed Lich King in our 10m last week. Hooray!

Kai’s work schedule this week has been wonky. He closed Tuesday, worked Wednesday, Closed Thursday, and now has meetings every Tuesday morning and Friday morning. Normally they are just Tuesday mornings. He also has the weekend off. Which is rare. It’ll be nice to have him home for two whole days in a row. :) Dawn and I talked briefly about having dinner at her house tomorrow, but I’m not sure if we are or not. I’ll have to ask. I don’t think we ever said definitively whether or not we were going to do it. I do know that sometime in the next couple of months I need to go make tacos for her. :d I’ll have to get a couple of decent sized roasts to cook. She has an army at her house. ;) I’ve been spending more time at her house. It’s been wonderful. It’s so nice to be able to talk to someone who enjoys the same things I do.

I purchased some Dragon’s Blood incense. It was a whole $2.93. It smells wonderful. It makes me feel happy. I’m seriously done with hiding who I am. I don’t care if you don’t agree, it’s my life not yours. If burning incense, and sage and having crystals in my home and things from my culture and things that make me happy and believing what I do bothers you that much well that’s just too damn bad. This is who I am. It’s not right or fair that I have to hide it to make you happy. I don’t believe what you believe, and that’s okay. I’m not asking you to do what I do or asking you to be like me. I just want you to love me enough to respect me and who I am. I am not asking you to like it, just love me enough to let me be who I am. If you can’t do that, then just leave me a lone. Because I’m done keeping it inside. I’m done being unhappy and miserable because I feel like I can’t be me.

By

I had my frenectomy on Tuesday. Bleh. I think if I had it all to do over I wouldn’t do the braces. :( Between having screws screwed into my upper and lower jaws, the problems the braces are causing on my teeth and now the frenectomy. I think I would have passed. I’m not sure if it is the Vicodin or if I’m getting an infection but I’ve not been feeling well. Yesterday when I was over at Dawns out of no where a wave of heat came over me and I felt instantly sick. :( I ended up throwing up in her poor bathroom. After getting home pretty much anything I ate came back up and I felt really sick for the rest of the day. So far today I’ve had bad nausea but I haven’t thrown up. I haven’t taken any Vicodin since last night. But I’ve also been taking some Olive Leaf. So I’m not really sure if it was the medication or an infection. I guess we’ll see.

Dawn is going to start watching Fumiko for me on Wednesdays for a couple of hours. :) She’s going to have her cute little grand baby over who is the same age as Fumi and she’s also going to have the Your Baby Can Read dvd’s for them to watch. It’ll be a nice break for us and I know Fumiko will love spending time with another little one her age. She’s also going to try to have Sascha over sometime on a weekend to play with the older kids. He’ll love getting to play with someone his age for a little while. It’s always nice getting over to see Dawn. She’s a great person and really good hearted. It’s easy to see why everyone and everything flock to her. The best things in life you can give to someone are love, empathy and acceptance. Sometimes that is all you can give. Sometimes that is all someone needs. Now if I could just see Kharizma a little more I’d be super happy and all set. I am lucky to have two friends who love me unconditionally. Thank you both.

Today is a beautiful, bright, sunny day. Flowers are blooming, trees are blooming. It’s an amazing day. :) On the way home from Dawn’s I noticed something and I have no idea why. Haha I never realized how many homes in our neighborhood have exterior shutters. I don’t normally ever pay attention to something like that. Growing up the only houses I ever saw with them, or at least payed attention to, were homes out in the valley, in the middle of no where land that had functional shutters. I think all of the ones on houses around here are just for decoration. I’m not even sure if our house has them. Hah I should check that out. :shifty: Sebv eing as I live here and all.

Close

Loading ...

Sorry :(

Can't connect ... Please try again later.