So my life is rather boring. Well it is if you don’t count the ups and downs and sideways and zigzags with my health. TMI: I’ve been on my period since September 26th with no sign of it stopping. The antibiotics I had for the sinus infection and what not screwed with my depo shot. *sigh* I’m hoping it won’t last until I get my next shot. This is torture. My medications have been shuffled around. I am now seeing a therapist and psychiatrist. My doctor sent me in because she thinks I have PTSD. Which apparently the psychiatrist and therapist think also. I also may or may not have bi-polar 2. I didn’t know there was more than 1. They are trying to work on my social phobia, but my therapist thinks I’m doing a great job all on my own. She also thinks I know exactly who I am and I just need to BE me.

I’ve met a couple of wonderful people that I met online. Claire from Claire’s Beauty and Chantel from Geek Chic Cosmetics. They are both lovely, wonderful people. Next I’m hoping to get my glittery paws on Distorria from Detrivore Cosmetics. Muahahaha. But really. I’ve been trying to work on my social anxiety and fears. It’s hard. I also thought I was over being raped at 13. But I’m apparently not. That has also been a subject in therapy. Also I need to learn to not put on makeup for therapy, because I cry, even though I tell myself I won’t, I do. It’s just painful and stressful to go over and re-live situations I just want to forget about. I’ve been going to see Chantel after therapy the last couple of times. Which has been awesome. I really enjoy spending time with her.

The psychiatrist took me off the two anxiety medications my doctor put me on about a month ago and put me on Cymbalta. She thinks it will work well with the Gabapentin. She also changed how I take my Gabapentin in hopes that my body won’t build up a resistance to it. I hope she’s right and it doesn’t because I go crazy with panic and fear when I go off of it to sort of reset how my body treats it. Blech. Life is hard yo. I need an instruction manual for this body.

I decided that I need to be me, I need to do what makes me happy. I recently purchased a book on Wicca. It’s something I’ve always been interested in, but stayed away from it because I was afraid that my mom would react badly, and that’s something I honestly can’t deal with now. I’ve basically put my beliefs and life on hold to respect her beliefs and I can’t do that anymore. I’m crushed that my crystal boxes are gone from our garage. I have to start over now. That was over 10 years worth of crystals and memories and special things. I don’t know if they were trashed, or if they were taken when my moms friends from her church helped her clear out the garage. Either way, they are gone and I am sad. So now I start over.

A lot has happened and changed this past month. I feel like a new person almost. I still hurt and get sick, but I feel changed some how. I think just putting my foot down and telling myself things were going to be different and I was going to do what made me happy, it changed something, and I’m glad. Gosh I can’t even write this without getting teary eyed. Stupid emotions. It sucks not to be comfortable in your own skin. I want that back. I want to be able to go to the grocery store and not fear that someone may talk to me. I want to be able to go to the mall or wherever and not wish I were invisible. I just want to be happy. It’s going to be a long journey, but it will be worth it.

Oh there is this too…

Her name is Mochi. Dawn took me over to get her on Sunday. She’s a sweetheart. As soon as I picked her up I knew she belonged with us. Sushi’s whole demeanor has completely changed with Mochi being here. She looks happier and sweeter. Sushi is dying to play with Mochi, but Mochi keeps growling at her, which is incredibly cute and funny at the same time. I honestly expected Sushi to try and eat her. But she hasn’t so much as raised a paw to her. The first day Sushi hissed and growled and Mochi stayed away. The second day Sushi was kind of on the fence and yesterday she started to try to play with Mochi. So it’s gonna work out and I’m so glad we got Sushi a friend. She seems so much happier now. Hopefully I’ll have photos of them together soon.

Also if you have never tried anything from Cocoa Pink you need to. I ordered some hair frizz serum stuff and it’s amazing and the scent is freaking incredible. She also sent very generous samples with both of my orders. My second order was for shampoo and conditioner which are pretty awesome. I think I may need to try her other conditioners. I love, love, love one of her Hallow’s Eve scents. Fear of Cemeteries is amazing and you must try it. I am going to be ordering some body butter from her in Fear of Cemeteries because it is so amazingly awesome. She sent me a sample of her voluptuous body butter in my first order, it was scented with one of her pumpkin scents. Amazing. Okay. I’m done raving about it now, I swear. Though expect some reviews soon.

Hooray. I’ve decided to post more random photos of Sushi. Just because I can. hehehe The photos of her in my blue bin, is her digging around trying to find hair bands/clips to steal and play with. I’ve given up trying to keep her out of them. Also there’s a photo of Kai showing how happy he is that the bank sent him his new hello kitty bank card. hahahaha On a side note, see how much he loves me? He’s willing to go through god only knows how much humiliation so I can have my hello kitty bank card. All because our bank won’t let him have a normal card. For him to have a normal card they’d have to make mine normal too. So he decided to keep his awesome hello kitty card.

I lie. There are no joys. I promise. Though sometimes it is a little amusing. Sushi start coming into heat recently. She appears to be um fully in heat? She’s been acting strange and meowing strangely off and on for the past week. However last night she started yowling more as the evening grew on. This morning she’s spent most of her time meowing, growling, yowling and running from the door to the bathroom window to our bedroom window and then up to my face as if to beg “Please for the love of all that is holy let me outside woman!” Yeah right. Sorry cat, you’re not leaving this room! So there! Rest assured she shall be spayed before her next heat cycle or may very well shoot myself. Oddly enough she seems to hate Kai and Kinon right now. She’s hissed and growled at Kinon more than once and gone so far as to slap Kai across the face and hiss at him. haha Also at this very moment it sounds like there is a hound dog in the neighborhood howling his poor head off.

So I leave you with this clip… of Sushicat attacking me as I try to record her and then yowling and growling and I’m not sure what. Hopefully you can hear as she was across the room and in the bathroom off of our room.

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